Not built that way
by Enjoyseries
Summary: Set after 4x14.


**Not built that way**

He was sitting on the couch with her body straddled on him; her mouth playing lazily with his. Her hands were on each side of his face as his hands were stroking her muscular thighs. They were tasting, nibbling and biting each other's lips; simply savoring the feeling of being in each other's arms. They kissed once more before pulling away in need of air.

She sighed contentedly and snuggled against his chest. She nestled her head in the crook of his neck and slipped her hands at his waist.

"I've missed you." She whispered against his neck, dropping a wet kiss on his skin. He tightened his grip on her and pressed his lips against her temple.

"Yeah… I've missed you too." He whispered back.

They stayed in this position for minutes that seemed hours. It has been a while since the last time they met. He knew he didn't have to apologize to her for the lack of presence; it was their arrangement, how they had always worked but still he couldn't help but feeling sorry for her. She deserved so much better than this, than _him._

He cared for her, deeply. At first, their meetings were only for fun but the time passed and the nights became longer, the conversations more intimate, the gestures more tender and the glances more knowing. He might look the other way, lie to himself but he knew what that meant.

They stayed silent afterwards, but it wasn't as usual. It was one of those heavy silences. Zoe knew something was wrong, she felt that way during the last few days. She could feel something was bugging him. She hesitated a moment; usually she wouldn't have ask, but right now – without knowing why – it was different.

She raised her head and looked into his eyes. She saw all the trouble in the world and in a way or another, her heart broke a little more each time she plunged her eyes into his when he was looking at her that way. She stroked the top of his cheeks with her thumbs, as if she was trying to erase the dark circles and tired lines beneath his eyes.

"You wanna talk about it?" She asked softly. He lowered his eyes, hated himself for being so readable in front of her. He took a breath and tightened his jaw.

"I just… I don't want to lose you too." He whispered in a cracked voice. She didn't ask why he was having such thoughts. She didn't know about Shaw or about anything else.

"Not gonna happen." She smirked at him. He made a soft chuckle and his lips curved into a slight smile, remembering that time when she had told him the same words.

"For a long time I've been afraid of letting anyone in.. to avoid getting close, to avoid loss." He confessed to her as he pulled away a lock of hair behind her ear. While she was listening to his words – her eyes plunged deeply into his – she was randomly stroking his short pepper-and-salt hair at the back of his neck with her perfect manicured nails.

"And you were right… we really suck at letting people in. But I think it's time for some new happens." He paused and added in a whisper. "We're both broken, but we can be broken together." She didn't know what to say. She never thought one day they would have _the_ discussion so she did the only thing that could explain all she was feeling right now. She kissed him, with all the passion, all the love and tenderness she had for him. He passed a hand behind her neck, pulled her face closer to his and deepened the kiss.

She was the only one capable of making him feel that way. Since Jessica, she was the one he tried to let in completely. He trusted her, with his whole soul. He couldn't put words on how he felt about her but he knew it was strong. She understood him without questions, she could ease his worries without words even if she had no idea of what was happening and he couldn't be more grateful to have her by his side.

It's been so long since he had felt relaxed and loved under a woman's touch. Again, the last woman that made him feel that way was Jessica.

She stopped the kiss and for a brief moment he believed he did something wrong but the smile she gave her then pushed away all of his thoughts. She removed herself from his legs and got up on her feet, grabbing his hand and pulling him with her. He followed her as she led them towards her bedroom. Once they entered the room, he closed the door behind them and she turned to face him. She gave him one of her grin that made him fond each time. He slipped his hands on her back, opened the zipper of her dress and let it fell down her feet. Her body always let him breathless. He took the time to admire her as she was working on his belt and opened his pants.

A few minutes later they were both lying on the bed only wearing their underwear. He kissed her lips in a soft brush, went down to her neck, her throat, her chest and dropped many kisses on her flat stomach. Her hand was collapsing in his hair as the other was grabbing the sheet in anticipation, feeling the heat building in the room. Her breath was erratic. He went back to her mouth, kissed her hungrily as his hands were removing her bra.

They soon found themselves completely naked, skin against skin; John gently pulling and thrusting in a slow movement. They were taking their time, her hips responding to each of his thrust. She tightened her legs around him, pulling him deeper inside of her body; his head was plunged in the crook of her neck, smelling her perfume, kissing her collarbone and her skin.

This time wasn't like the others. They knew then it wouldn't be the same anymore. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't just fun or teasing. This time it was loving, tender and kind. Zoe could feel it by the way of his slow and gentle movements and John could feel it by the way of her tender and soft touches. He could feel she was close to the edge as he felt her nails digging into his back, her moans escaping her throat. He started moving faster and deeper, feeling the heat raise higher with each thrust.

"Open your eyes." He whispered. She did what he asked and their eyes met, full of pleasure and passion. He thought about how beautiful she was right now in his arms, her mouth slightly opened, breathing heavily. He couldn't resist and crashed his lips on hers, kissing her as if she could fly away at any time.

In one last thrust, he brought her to the edge. She stopped the kiss, moaning loudly with his movements. Forehead against forehead, they came together as some gasps and moans were filling the room.

They didn't move immediately, stayed in this position for a few minutes, their head still touching. They were breathing heavily, both breathless after their lovemaking. He kissed her lips before collapsing on her side and nuzzled his nose on her skin shoulder, dropping soft kisses here and there.

He put the sheets over their bodies and brought her closer to him. Even after what they've just done he still needed to feel her against him.

She pressed her back against his torso as his strong arm automatically came encircling her stomach in a protective way. Both their legs and hands entwined.

"John.." She softly whispered. His name came suddenly out of her mouth, as if her heart had spoken for her. A part of her hoped he didn't hear it.

"Yea?" He murmured. Her heart started beating faster and she took a moment to gather her courage.

"I'm scared." She murmured almost inaudibly. He did hear her and knew about what she was talking. He was scared as hell too. He didn't know what the future has reserved for them and he didn't want to know either. They were both paralyzed at the thought of letting each other in. It was the first time she was being fully honest with him, sharing her fears so openly. He hugged her tightly and kissed the spot behind her ear.

"We're gonna go through this." He said. "We're gonna make it work… together." She stroked the back of his hand resting her stomach with her thumb.

"Even if we're not built that way?"

"Even if we're not built that way." He ended.

Yes, they were terrified. But they were ready to trust life, to give them a chance and right here, right now.. It was all that mattered.

**END. **


End file.
